Papilio Qui Desiderat

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devianttreats: still want one of these….

devianttreats:

still want one of these….

myinnerdomme: gotcha!

myinnerdomme:

gotcha!

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desires-andso-much-more: *whimpers*Yes Master… all Yours…we're...

desires-andso-much-more:

*whimpers*
Yes Master… all Yours…we're clear.

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I'm bound to your heart but am I enough?

I'm bound to your heart but am I enough?

She looks like Sophia Loren

She looks like Sophia Loren

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secretdaddy: Wow. Very nice Gorgeous!

secretdaddy:

Wow. Very nice

Gorgeous!

secretdaddy: aladythatkneels: so sexy… Daddy likes.

secretdaddy:

aladythatkneels:

so sexy…

Daddy likes.

secretdaddy: How cute :)

secretdaddy:

How cute :)

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secretdaddy: Oh my yes…. Beautiful.

secretdaddy:

Oh my yes….

Beautiful.

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secretdaddy: Interesting.

secretdaddy:

Interesting.

I'm missing this. I'm missing something I fought...

I'm missing this. I'm missing something I fought tooth and nail despite it already being an essential part of my being, like my brown eyes or my love of reading. I'm missing my submissive side.

But I'm in love with a man who needs me to be in control. Maybe not all the time but probably most of the time. And I'm struggling with that. I'm struggling with letting go of my submissive side and trying to take hold of the reigns of control and I sometimes feel I absolutely suck at it.

Tonight I pointed out the drool-worthy boots of a famous singer and before I could say I wanted them for myself he was declaring his desire to lick her legs, despite his love for me. Not her boots on my legs, just her legs and I was disappointed. So I told him I was disappointed. And he told me, in so many words, that I was overreacting. I felt he was scolding me.

And then I felt… Absurd. WWDD? What Would A Domme Do? Would she have been disappointed in him? Would she care if he wants to lick some celebrity's legs? And before you knew it I was a puddle tears, feeling lost without a roadmap and wanting desperately to retreat to the safety of what I know. Submission.

I am feeling about as Domme as a kitten right now and I worry that that doesn't bode well. Do Dommes feel jealousy? Self-doubt? My rational brain says yes, of course, but that doesn't make me feel any less queasy. I admit I enjoy parts of the FLR dynamic but what if that's not enough? Why is it when I start to feel confident and assertive and then somehow stumble, I then question my ability to lead?

What if, by the very virtue of my own questioning, I shouldn't be his Domme?

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